hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
