So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
