Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
