My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
