I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
