I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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