just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
