I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize