Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
