I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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