just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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