you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
