I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
