Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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