We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
