Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
