4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
