That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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