At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
