you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
