some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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