You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
