Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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