yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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