Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
