well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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