Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
