Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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