I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
