3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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