This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
