my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
