I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
