Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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