Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
