dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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