so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
