i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
