She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
North Korea, Best Korea!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
