This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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