just come out here and I will go home with you...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
