I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
