is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we should paint friendship bongs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
