Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
