By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
