A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
