We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found the puke drawer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
