Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
