census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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