call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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