Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to have your abortion
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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