My liver just broke up with me...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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