its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
