i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
