addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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