Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
