the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize