shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
