Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
