Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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