i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
