He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize