Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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