My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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