So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
