I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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