New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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