Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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