like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
