i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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