Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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