This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
